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Last week was the Summer Solstice which means we had the shortest night of the year. Since I do my best writing at night, these short nights are limiting my output. Sooooo, this column is a little shorter than normal. Ok Ted?
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Recently Tray and I bumped into an old friend who used to be a daily member of the 9:59 Club but Covid and some family problems have kept him away from the boardwalk. We chatted about some mutual friends and how we were each doing. At one point, referring to his health, he said “I still cut my grass.”
That got Tray and me talking about what used to be a chore or something we hated, but now we brag about doing. So, here are two:
I still clean the house.
I get carded when I buy booze! The only difference now is that they’re checking my senior discount card and not my driver’s license.
Then we got around to talking about the things that we used to do but can’t do now, or if we can it’s totally different. How about:
At 16 my mom said get a job. I loved the money and independence. Now I hate the drudgery.
When you’re young your parents told you what to do. But when you get older you have to tell your parents what to do.
Tray said when she was 16 she saw “old” women and thought “why can’t you dress more stylish?” Although Tray’s not old yet, now she knows arthritic fingers can’t pull up zippers in tight jeans and swollen feet don’t fit in stiletto pumps.
And remember sex? Yeah, me neither.
At one time I could literally bend over at the waist and put the palms of my hands flat on the floor. Now, when I drop something, I decide if it’s worth bending over to pick up.
Women used to wear fashionable nylon stockings. Those have now been replaced by compression socks.
And, ladies used to have their favorite perfumes. Now, it’s “Off” in the summer and “Ben-Gay” in the winter.
25 years ago, I ran a marathon. My marathon today is climbing two flights of steps, collecting the trash at each level and putting the trashcan out at the street. My personal record is 37 minutes, 12 seconds.
Men who used to wear jeans now wear sweat pants with an elastic waist. This is even though the only time they sweat now is right after finishing Thanksgiving dinner.
I was invited to be in the wedding party of a friend and needed to rent a tux. I finally had to decline the invitation because I couldn’t find patent leather shoes with those easy to close Velcro straps.
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Need a Timewaster?
I stumbled across the strangest, coolest thing recently. It’s an artificial intelligence (AI) tool that generates images based upon some words you key in. Dall-E Mini uses AI to take what your input and, after 90 seconds or so returns nine separate images rendering your words. Sometimes it’s cool, sometimes it’s plain creepy weird.
I’ve been playing around with Dall-E Mini a little and here are a couple of the pictures it drew for me. Bette Midler eating watermelon and a kangaroo playing tennis.
Have fun!
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How Can You Watch This And Not Say Awwwwwwwww?
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I love this! Soo true! Your personal record on collecting trash on multiple levels GOLD! Love this, you and my SBF Tray!