You ever get a tune stuck in your head? Some people call it an “earworm.” Well Tracie said something the other day that got this old-timey jingle stuck in my noggin:
Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
What kinds of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox
love hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
The dogs kids love to bite!When man bites dog, that's news, they say
But when kids bite dogs, they yell "HURRAY!"
For hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs
The dogs -- kids -- love -- to -- biiiiite!
You can thank me for getting that little ditty stuck in your head for the rest of today. Maybe tomorrow too!
But that made me wonder more about the reason Tracie mentioned the commercial: the fact that they could never make that ad today. You can thank “woke” for that:
Hot dogs? Why they’re a choking hazard! And they can cause leukemia in children! And, along with all the other things kids love to bite (like chicken nuggets, luncheon meat, bacon and pretty much anything else that actually tastes good), they can cause cancer and brain tumors.
Fat kids? That’s fat shaming. You can’t do that!
Skinny kids? Hey, anorexia is a mental illness.
Kids who climb on rocks? Are they wearing helmets and bubble suits?
Tough kids? We’ve passed anti-bullying laws to stop them!
Sissy kids? LGBTQ+ anyone?
And biting dogs? That’s animal cruelty!
Yet, in spite of that jingle and all the wretched hot dogs we ate as kids, somehow we all survived childhood. Along with walking to and from school, playing in “jungle gyms”, not wearing bike helmets (or batting helmets for that matter), eating Halloween candy right out of our bag as soon as we got home and any number of other deadly things that our parents didn’t protect us from but that “helicopter” parents are scared to death of today.
And the world is a lesser place without the Armour Hot Dog ad. What will the Millennial snowflake generation get stuck in its head 50 years from now? Maybe the JG Wentworth 877-CASH-NOW opera singers? Barf.
Our society is the lesser because of all the things we can’t say or do. For example, just think of all the terrific movies that could never be made today:
Animal House
Mrs. Doubtfire
Everything that Mel Brooks ever did
Gone With The Wind
To Kill a Mockingbird
You get the idea.
How many terrific stories and how much wonderful literature is being hidden because somebody, somewhere was offended by it? We’d never have The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and other classic books either.
How about this: if it offends you, turn it off!
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Bravery in Blue
Police in Palmetto Florida said that Kristen Watts blew several roadblocks which were set up to block the Sunshine Skyway Bridge where the 10K race was being held.
Florida Highway Patrol trooper Toni Schuck drove her patrol car into the path of Ms. Watts BMW to stop her from possibly injuring race participants on the bridge.
God bless you trooper Schuck.
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How Do You Say ‘Spanked’ in Russian?
I remember in 1989 when the Berlin Wall fell and the west got its first look into the Soviet Union. We were shocked to find the massive level of poverty that communism wrought on the USSR’s people. Thanks to Soviet propaganda, the west thought that the USSR was a prosperous nation. Only after the web of misinformation was removed did we learn that the USSR was really just a third-world nuclear power.
Today we’re seeing the Russian aggression in Ukraine and we’re thinking the worst: that Putin will slaughter those poor Ukrainian people; that the power of the Russian military will make short work of the smaller Ukraine military.
But we’re seeing the opposite! The brave and gallant Ukraine military and citizens are fighting like lions to save their country from Putin.
And we’re also learning something extraordinary: that the Russian military is not the powerhouse we thought it was. Now we’re seeing headlines like:
Putin loses 4th general and SWAT team as 'Hero of Russia' warns of 'horrifying' Russian death toll. One of Vladimir Putin's most decorated military veterans has warned that society will be horrified by the true death toll of the war
Ukraine Mounts Counteroffensive to Drive Russians Back From Kyiv, Key Cities
So maybe Russian state-run media has been painting a rosy picture of their military capabilities when in fact their military is actually a disaster? Or maybe Putin is really a madman and that he’s overruling the advice of his military and directing the war to its ultimate defeat?
A bigger question in my mind is why did our intelligence agencies not see this? Or if they did, why aren’t they telling us? What would they have to gain from us not knowing that Russia is actually weak militarily? Perhaps we will find out one day.
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Ok, speaking of vintage commercials, imagine a few Budget Rent A Car marketing folks sitting around a table brainstorming to come up with a new advertising campaign……
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Great, as usual, though I may be biased...