I'm Striving To Be 'They'
One recent Saturday night I imbibed a bit too much. All right, a bit more than a bit too much. Usually when I consume excess I become witty, charming and prescient. To myself at least. To others I become a loud, boorish, slobbering dolt who, I've been told, is his own best audience.
Anyway, I imbibed too much but this time I had a revelation: the profound difference between 'They' and 'Them'. Both are pronouns but much more than one letter differentiates them.
'They' is confident, proud, a little showy but not too ostentatious. We strive to be ‘They’.
'Them' is brutish, distant, and maybe a bit mean. ‘Them’ are not nice!
Remember what your mother said when you were a teenager. “Stay away from them. You’ll get in trouble if you hang around them.”
And the rich neighbors down the street? “Did you see the Smiths? They got another new car! And they just got back from that Caribbean cruise too!”
See what I mean? It’s not us against them, it’s them against they.
So, who are ‘They’ and ‘Them’?
‘They’ are a musical group that combines R&B, hip-hop, rock, and pop into some surprisingly pleasant tunes1.
Horror movies and really bad TV series are made about ‘Them’.
‘They’ are people looking to describe themselves differently,
Or trying to relate to other people.
And ‘Them’ has some really annoying child learning programs:
Ok, well how do we get rid of ‘Them’?
When I Google “How to get rid of them” I find all sorts of horrible problems associated with ‘Them’ that makes you want to eliminate ‘Them’:
The 16 Most Disgusting House Bugs and How To Get Rid of Them
TV screen reflections are annoying. Here's how to get rid of them
Well, I guess the fastest way to get rid of those horrid ‘Thems’ would be Killing ‘Them’ Softly.
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After the Americans left Afghanistan, what’s a hard-working Taliban to do? Disneyland isn’t really practical because it’s too far to travel, and then there’s that pesky TSA to deal with, what with your AK-47s and grenade launchers. So, how about some recreational boating instead?
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Actually there was a band called “Them” which, at one point, included Van Morrison. I would include “Them” here but that would ruin the object of the story with something nice to say about ‘them’. Then I’d have to start over with a totally different story subject and I can’t do that because I’m really tired right now.