Signs
Sign, sign, everywhere a sign
lockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that, can't you read the sign?
Now, hey you, mister, can't you read?
You've got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
You can't even watch, no you can't eat
You ain't supposed to be here
The sign said you got to have a membership card to get inside
Ugh!
- Five Man Electrical Band, “Signs”
I hate to waste money. I hate it when my family or friends waste money. The only thing I hate more than me or mine wasting money is the government wasting OUR money. Now don’t get me wrong, at a high level a lot of the money the government spends is useful. Things like national defense, education, etc. benefit us greatly. But when we look a bit deeper we see things that most people wouldn’t have spent THEIR money on.
You get the idea. Unfortunately, because it’s the Federal government much of this waste is transparent to us. Face it, if your local town was going to drop a few million on hamster fights the populace would be out with torches and pitchforks!
But there’s a very visible place that we see government waste right before our eyes: street signs!
Now I’m not talking about stupid signs that oblivious dolts in the Streets Department made up, like this one:
And I’m not talking about legitimate road signs like stop signs, speed limit signs and road hazard signs. I’m talking about signs we see every day that tell us nothing, like this one:
So, it’s a nice quiet country road. Farmland on the left, woods on the right. Ahead is a small mobile home park. In fact, in my neck of the woods this is a pretty typical stretch of road. Why the sign? Dunno. Other similar roads don’t have a sign like this. Maybe Messi is up ahead taking penalty shots, or there’s training for the 3000 Meter Steeplechase for the 2024 summer Olympics?
Here’s another one:
This one defies logic. We need a sign about a traffic light because that great big red-yellow-green blinky light 50 yards up the road isn’t good enough?
One more:
This is a good one. It’s on a 25 MPH dead-end road, and there’s no school bus stop anywhere to be seen.
I could go on.
So how much does a sign cost? Well, in 2012 Nasdaq estimated it costs $511 ($590 in 2021 dollars) for a stop sign so I’m assuming that these examples cost at least that much.
So, as you’re driving along, pay attention to the road signs. Not only to be sure you don’t break traffic laws but also to see how your money might be wasted.
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Ok, now that I just lambasted local governments for wasting our money on unnecessary signs, I want to give credit to one local government that did (in my opinion) the right thing. The signs below warn motorists where a popular hiking trail crosses a busy road. Instead of incurring the cost to run electric to the area to operate flashing lights, the town is using the wind (here at the beach it’s almost always windy) to spin those little orange whirligigs. They definitely get your attention. Bravo!
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Oat Bran Kills!1
Remember all those reports how you need to use fat-free milk (or almond milk)? And you totally need to stop using butter? All this because these dairy products WILL KILL YOU!
Now, science says this: “In the case of dairy, it’s certainly true that several studies observing large groups of people have failed [emphasis mine] to find a clear association between higher levels of dairy consumption and increased heart health risks.”
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Catzilla!
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20 or 30 years ago, Clark de Leon wrote a daily column for the Philadelphia Inquirer. “The Scene” was a lighthearted look at Philadelphia, and society in general. One of Clark’s periodic stories was titled “Oat Bran Kills”, which spoofed science’s never-ending onslaught on established norms. He envisioned that eventually science will determine that one of the healthiest foods, oat bran, is actually deadly. We see this all the time today where one week eggs are deemed good for you and the next weeks some study says that eggs are poison that must be avoided at all costs.